Originally Posted by
Maudcat 
Sometimes I think that, for the alcohol-dependent person, it's almost a relief that the relationship is done.
This. Yes.
Same for me. I KNOW that my husband loves me, loves our son, loves the idea of a functioning and loving family in a home that is a peaceful refuge from the world but...When I spoke to my AH the afternoon the divorce papers were served he sounded...better. He sounded like my best friend again. He told me one of his greatest fears since his mom died was that I would leave him, and now it was happening and he realized that sun would still come up the next day, and he sounded RELIEVED.
If our spouses could process and communicate the way that we would expect a mature adult to, they probably wouldn't have the problem that they have. Great guidance above. Peace to you ML. It huuuuurts, but it WILL get better. The further you're away from it, the clearer and truer things will become.