musiclady.....an alcoholic can no more imagine living without alcohol than a gold fish can imagine living without water. It is a major coping mechanism for dealing with their emotions...bad ones and good ones. Plus, once the brain becomes addicted...there is the powerful compulsion to drink. It is there, 24/7. After a certain point, alcoholics drink to just feel normal.
You will never know how it feels, unless you were an alcoholic, yourself. the idea of getting into sober recovery is very frightening to an alcoholic who isn't ready....
You cannot know, for certain, what is in his mind....just like he doesn't know exaxtly what you are thinking and feeling.....
He doesn't drink to harm you.....he drinks because he is an alcoholic....
If you really want to know more about how the alcoholic mind works...I highly suggest that you read the articles written by Floyd P Garrett, M.D.
I especially suggest....."The alcoholic's Dilemma"...."Addiction, Lies and Relationships"....."Excuses Alcoholics Make".....
Papers on Addiction and Recovery
You said, yourself that he has trouble communicating. He is probably so confused within himself. There is a war going on in his head, probably. He drinks to cope with his feelings....because that is how alcoholics have learned to cope with feelings. It isn't about you.....
You may be asking him to be or react in a way that he is just not capable of.....One can't give what they don't have.....
Learn everything you can about alcoholism....because it will let you know what you are up against...
Read in the stickies...at the top of the main page...read some every day. Begin with the one called "Classic Reading"
Knowledge is p ower.