Thanks for asking this question, musiclady, and thanks to all those who answered, particularly FG and Lexie. When I told XAH that after thinking about it for a long time, I did want to go ahead and file for divorce, his response was "Well, you gotta do what you gotta do."
Like you, musiclady, I was hurt and dumbfounded. After 20+ years together, this was all the response he had? But the posts from members here ring so true, and I think maybe I begin to understand.