When I told AH a few short months ago that the kids and I were making plans to leave because we couldn't live with his drinking, he said nothing in response. Absolutely nothing. 9 years together - 7.5 years married. He hasn't verbally reacted to the decision at all. We're out a week from today.
I feel hurt by it. Like I'm not worth fighting for. And as though our kids aren't worth any effort for him. Or he maybe never cared at all. Or he just gave up on us because alcohol means more to him as he progresses. Or maybe he knows he's hurting people, including himself, so he's resigned to isolating himself with the bottle. So many possibilities. I've asked him a couple of times if he'll be happy when we're gone, and his answer was, "No. This isn't what I want". But that was the extent of it.
The truth is that even if he had opposed my decision to leave, I know it's the right one for all of us at this point. A part of me, though, is really hurting that he didn't say anything. The fact that his drinking increased after I told him the news, speaks volumes, in a non-verbal way, about how he feels. Which is also painful to watch. I suppose he has always lacked good communication skills. But I guess I feel as though the kids and I were worth at least a word or two in opposition of my decision. I just can't imagine, if it were me, not responding, or not even trying to get help for the drinking issue long before my family was pushed to the point of leaving me. Instead he shut down altogether and simply appeared to accept the situation. When we need to talk about all the separation details, his demeanour is like it's a business transaction, while my heart keeps breaking into more pieces.
Even though the kids and I are looking forward to a new chapter, I am struggling with AH's lack of verbal response. And I've been saddened for years by his choice to continue drinking and being verbally abusive when I was telling him all along how it was affecting our family. I'm glad he's not fighting me on it, but "ouch".
Over the weekend, he unexpectedly began behaving like the guy I married. Smiling, joking with us, trying to take part in our activities, being helpful and kind. I haven't seen that side of him in ages. But I also realized at the end of yesterday that after he had bought beer in the afternoon, he started drinking it on his way home in his pickup. He hasn't done that before, that I'm aware of. That's terrifying!
Maybe this lack of a verbal response is common. Maybe not. Why do I even care? Because it hurts and a part of me is trying to understand and accept it. Input?