Just remember, you are an addict and you can't do that first one.
Basketball players think about playing basketball, addicts think about doing drugs. It is your natural state. You have not been that far removed from it, none of us really are. The frequency and the severity lessen each time you go through it successfully. If you pick up right now, you have to go back and start from day 1 again. It's not worth it.
Pick up that phone, call someone, and make plans to hang out with other recovering addicts today.
Love ya
Laurie