Originally Posted by MicroMacro

Addicts and alcoholics are smart. We know how to sting our loved ones in ways that make them feel bad about themselves. Your boyfriend did it with this "He said he couldn't believe I would take his most vulnerable weakness and throw it back in his face like that,"

Here's how you could have replied. "BELIEVE IT!" Click.
Instead, he made you the bad guy for speaking the truth. And you fell for it. Now you're in a recovery forum looking for advice. Is he in here too somewhere - asking for advice on how to quit drinking ...?

You weren't nasty or in his face. You - very succinctly - spoke the truth. We don't like to hear that. Of course anger and frustration were behind your comment. You give a sh!t. Is he expecting you to act like his priest in the face of his ongoing active addiction? Is that the role you want?

It's critical that you don't allow him to enmesh you in the drama his illness creates. This requires major emotional boundary setting on your part. His brain is UNWELL and it affects everything he does and says.

One of the best things you can do is distance yourself. Unless you're able to set and hold fast to boundaries - you're likely to get pulled down with him during this phase. It's a lot easier to distance yourself now than it will be to pull yourself up later.

What distancing yourself might look like is letting him know that he has your full support when he's working on his recovery, but in the meantime - you're unwilling to talk to him - at all - when he's drinking. That looks harsh, but anything else you do will just drive you nuts. You won't win because it's impossible for you to. So long as he drinks - it's a lose lose lose - one lose for him, one for you, and one for the relationship.

One thing to keep in mind - it takes a while for an alcoholic brain to find level ground. We don't heal overnight. His alcoholism isn't an excuse for his behavior. It explains it - and that's all.