Hi sponsx, unfortunately, no matter how much we want someone to change we can't make that happen, only they can. Once I got sober I expected my husband to automatically start working on his stuff. I was resentful when that didn't happen.
By working with a sponsor I was able to learn that I can't fix him, he can only fix himself. So, I stopped trying and focused on my own recovery.
What would be interesting is the next time she asks you if she's a good wife and a mother turn the question back to her and ask what she thinks. Don't be mean about it just say what's more important is what she thinks the answer to those questions are.
You're doing hard work and a great job right now, focus on you and your recovery.