Itruvia....you are not insane. You are afraid....mostly, afraid of the pain of grieving.
don't take this the wrong way...but, I can see that you don't very much about alcoholism. I can tell by the questions you ask...and the straws that you are grasping at....that is not surprising, though, because who does? Even those who live in it don't know. Mostly, they have learned old wives tales--that they believe. Those who do know...have had a special reason for learning it...or taken special training.....(who knew?).....
You are lucky, because, if you go to the stickies on the front page of this forum...you will see the one called "Classic Reading". Read that one, some, every day. It is a bootcamp on alcoholism and co-dependency!
Knowledge is power. There is so much to learn....
Clearly his drinking is a problem for YOU.
From what you write---he doesn't sound like he is even close to reaching for recovery....Even so, it takes a while....one to two years for a person to level out --and that requires them to be working a diligent program. It takes a lot of time and has to be the first priority in their life!
I hope that you don' flee from the pain, prematurely and jump right back into the duck soup.
You have been given some excellent advice, here...by people who have walked in your shoes, ahead of you. It would do you good to reread your thread...many times, if necessary...and try to apply some of the advice, given....
***It is not uncommon, in the most intense part of the pain (which you are in, right now), that people begin to question themselves and doubt themselves.
that wiill get better and change .....as long as you don't just give up.....