Originally Posted by
Melissa1217 
I used to people please. If everyone loved me, I'd never be abandoned. I'dnever have to be afraid.
Obviously, this is a crazy, inauthentic way to live.
My mind automatically filtered or shut out anything painful. I remember dissociating during many unpleasant experiences.
Trouble is, when I tried to behave differently
My most recent trigger was watching the dysfunctional family next door and how they were interacting.
The older woman was driving everyone else crazy with her demands and needs. Extremely controlling, insisting everyone do it "her way".
Well, my reaction when she commented on my dogs collar(which she didn't like), the religious statue in my garden of the virgin Mary, and all of her other intrusive questions was not good.
I'm 53 years old. I don't owe her an explanation, yet I was brought up to be polight.
I was actually speechless, and felt like running because I wanted to tell her to mind her f'ing business and go into a tirade about how I dont owe her an explanation, who the hell asked her, and that the entire universe isn't here to do it "her way"
Of course instead of doing that I went in the house fuming, feeling disrespected and frustrated because I couldn't effectively put her in her place.
I was mad as as hatter. No outlet. What did I do? Binged. Beat MYSELF up.
Does anyone have any insight as to why the heck I'm like this or what I should do?
This is a recurring issue with me. I just want to be free of this.
Ah.
The "opinionated old neighbor lady". It's not a syndrome per se....but they seem to be in every neighborhood, every workplace, every church, every family; even in every grocery store....
You were brought up to be polite....which is WHY it might bother you MORE when someone else is NOT polite or downright rude and intrusive.
So, how to handle this type of thing? (because it's not going away, we will run up against it inevitably).
Well, there are other ways of dealing with these kinds of people that don't involved drinking or over eating.
You could always just tilt your head to the side, smile, and say something like,
"I like the dog collar. And I like the statue. I guess it's a good thing it's on MY dog and in MY yard, not yours."
Ok, maybe that seems too scary, too bold. But really, what have you got to lose?It's not like you would be losing your best friend.
Or, you could shrug your shoulders and say, 'So?'. Which is another way of saying, 'I really don't give a rat's arse what you think.'
The problem is her, not you. People who are truly happy, content and have peace respect others' boundaries and don't feel the need to comment negatively about someone else's dog collar, for heaven's sakes. It's just a frickin' dog collar. So, perhaps tell yourself the next time she opens her mouth she is like the teacher on Charlie Brown. It's just a bunch of white noise that doesn't really mean anything to you as a person. "Wahwahwahwahwah."