Mera- glad to see you post. I have followed along, too
A thought....we all suffer and hurt and IMO, comparing our pain to anyone else's (we could do this ad nauseum) can sometimes (often) only serve to make us feel guilty for feeling [bad etc] because our pain is "less than....[ ]." You deserve to cry, emote, share, etc just as much as any other person alive.
I believe, too, that tears will come when they are ready- prayers for you.
Hugs-
A