zenchaser
Perhaps it's time to take a different tack. If you make a Big Plan today, right this minute, you can shut the AV down, full stop.
That doesn't mean the Beast( the desire for alcohol) stops existing, IT will most certainly speak to you through the AV and continually offer alcohol as
the solution to
everythig.
The BP is the moment in time when all that no longer matters. Drinking has ended for good, full stop.
The AV is put on notice that the Beast has been relegated to a locked cage and IT will have to suffer the loss of ITs precious fuel, forever. The AV is put on notice that the idea of searching for the 'right' way to recovery , ITs plan to keep the precious fuel coming has been seen as the camouflaged( and devious) scheme that it is(was).
Quit . Announce to yourself that you have achieved recovery, you have recovered. Continuing to drink is not the solution for anything, you have stated this , yeah ?
Quit and start to work on the things that will be solutions , perhaps even professional help ie therapists or doctors. Taking away the Beast's fuel and relieving yourself of the consequences of drinking( physical, emotional, and spiritual consequences) will go a long way in helping yourself to seeing a better way to those solutions and free yourself to achieve them.
The AV will always claim the 'solution' is an invention 'out there, somewhere' and you have to 'find' it. IT lies, the solution , the stuff to do it is in you , you already have it in you to do it. Quit , right now, and believe it.
Life is a journey, recovery is an event. (imho,
)