lizatola

One of the struggles I'm having as I work through recovery is recovering from people pleasing. I never really knew who I was and I still struggle with it today.

I was taking a personality test (Meyers Briggs) and I often had trouble even knowing how to answer questions and had to literally ask myself, "Is this really true for me? Would I really say this about myself?" And, oftentimes, I didn't even know the answer truthfully....in my core. I could guess or I could say, "Yeah, that sounds good." But, was it real for me and was it truly how I would think or feel about something?

I was such a people pleaser for so long and still am to some degree. My bf once said that I needed to stop trying so hard and that he just wanted me to just be me. That I didn't need to be somebody else just to please him or someone else.

Well, I don't know how to do that sometimes. I wish I knew myself and trusted myself better. I feel like I fight an inner battle. Knowing that my alcoholic father is dead and that I don't have to fight for his approval anymore and that I'm not married to an alcoholic anymore, as well.....But, yet, all the people pleasing and thinking that I'm not enough and that I'll never be enough for anyone still comes creeping back in.

And, then I wonder if what I'm putting out there in the world isn't really me? Am I being authentic? And, what does that even really look like in normal interactions? Honestly, I wish I knew.