Input desperately needed
Hello. I'm in desperate need of input. I hope it's alright to post this here.
My husband is 47. Deep in the darkness of alcoholism, depression, and anger. The verbal abuse towards me has worsened recently. His drinking has spiraled out of control completely. Getting worse almost by the day now, and the physical/emotional/mental effects are very obvious. I feel like the man I married is long gone, or very well-hidden. I've spent 7.5 years on a journey to understanding alcoholism. Went through the co-dependent stage and eventual epiphany. I've learned a lot about both my husband and myself. Including the fact that nothing I can do or say can bring him to the point of choosing a better path for himself. He has to want it for himself and no one else.
Anyway, long story short. I have made the difficult decision to separate from my husband in mid-March. I need to remove myself and my three children from the madness. It has taken its toll on our lives in far-reaching ways. I want peace, happiness and stability for the four of us. It's time. In doing so, I also hope that my husband will be forced to take a look at himself and get help before he ends up in an early grave.
Where I need input is with whether or not there is anything that I can say or do with regard to my husband (when I leave or after I leave - last-ditch effort, if you will) that would be of any use in this situation. For those of you who are in recovery, can you recall any words spoken to you or deeds done with regard to you that really stood out as defining moments that led you to switching gears? Or is it simply one of those things that happens when it happens, if it does at all? I mean, I feel like I've said all there is to say a million times over, and it didn't make one bit of difference. And I completely get that now. Plus, I'm sure there aren't any magic words. But I feel almost cruel in leaving him to his own devices at such a critical stage in his drinking. On the other hand, maybe that's the best thing I can do for both him and me (along with the kids). So lost with it. I'm truly concerned that his consumption will continue to accelerate after we leave, and he may lose his life to it. He doesn't have any other family or friends. He'll be completely alone. I don't want him to die at 47, especially not alone. Is there anything more I can do for him?
Any input would be appreciated. Thank you in advance. ♥