Yes, calling about being late like that is nothing more than common courtesy. My RAH has struggled in ways like this from early on & while some of it was about finding balance in his "new normal", we also found that a very big part for him specifically was untreated ADHD. A lot of people find this in the absence of active addiction - underlying root issues/dual diagnosis that also need to be addressed.
Plus, quitting alone didn't create health for RAH - at 60ish days in he was still severely vitamin deficient, still couldn't regulate sleep patterns, had a lot of mood/hormone/energy swings, he ate chocolate bars like he was searching for the Golden Ticket to replace the sugar alcohol he'd been getting in large quantities, etc.
I think you're working hard at detaching & focusing on your side of the street here:
I deleted about 7 draft text messages, because I would rationalize and think, "really, what impact is him not being home doing?"
I would literally have to sit on my hands to stop myself from engaging sometimes. I can't tell you how many hours I sat online reading about detachment/dropping the rope/reasonable expectations or playing fruit ninja on my phone. Mantras became my go-to because I could breathe deeply & focus on a single thought, over & over & over.
Maybe I'm not searching hard enough or haven't found the right meetings, but I haven't yet found a plethora of individuals in my third situation, sharing the trials and tribulations of his recovery and the struggles of maintaining a home life/relationship. Add in the factor of us having a young child, and the pool of people sharing that situation seems to dwindle even more. This isn't a complaint, just an observation, and perhaps that just means I need to do harder digging.
I've had the same experience & also not complaining, but I was never able to connect with Al-anon groups as a result. I value their principals & teachings greatly in my recovery process but most of that has come through by connecting with Al-Anon members here at SR.