Originally Posted by
53500 
No. That is common courtesy. If it was my partner coming home that late - in the middle of the night, no less - I'd be worried sick and would absolutely call or text or both.
My partner is not a recovering A and I get the "his recovery is his recovery", but even so, IMO it is not unreasonable to expect him to let you know he'll be *that* late.
Having said that, I've never been in the situation of living with a recovering A. I left mine, still very much unrecovered, long ago. So I may not have the right insight on this.
Thank you for your insight, regardless of situational differences! It's nice having a group here that we can spitball ideas/irrationalities (lol) off of!
It's hard in this group, and in the Al-Anon meetings I've been to. It seems like people fall into one of several categories:
- living with an A.
- left the A/RA.
- living with a RA.
Maybe I'm not searching hard enough or haven't found the right meetings, but I haven't yet found a plethora of individuals in my third situation, sharing the trials and tribulations of his recovery and the struggles of maintaining a home life/relationship. Add in the factor of us having a young child, and the pool of people sharing that situation seems to dwindle even more. This isn't a complaint, just an observation, and perhaps that just means I need to do harder digging.
Back to your reply, thank you. I fear that THAT might be a rational thing to expect in a NORMAL relationship, but I almost expect people to tell me that this won't be the case. As someone quoted earlier (sorry, i forgot the username at the moment),
all bets are off in early recovery. I just assume, if he is in recovery and still has to maintain responsibilities at work, surely that doesn't give him a free pass to shirk all this responsibilities (and common courtesies) at home, right? I keep finding myself coming back to a quote I found early on from Gottalife (RA) that I found in searching threads:
The whole point of AA is rejoining the human race, family, community, work, as a useful contributing member. It is not about hiding in meetings, which a lot of folks seem to like to do.
And maybe this is the goal,
eventually. But as it seems to stand (and the response I'm getting from most), this isn't the case, at least this early on.
All bets are off in early recovery.