Welcome Catlover,
There is a big difference between being sober and being recovered. We all want to be recovered, which is sober and happy. I had many relapses because I was sober (white knuckling it) but eventually I got so miserable I had to drink. Then I found AA and a program of recovery. Once I started the steps I had a spiritual awakening and lost all craving/desire to drink alcohol. Once I broke free from booze, I have become happy and get happier by the day. Becoming spiritually fit has changed my life and probably saved my life from an alcoholic death. I will pray for you and hope you don't drink.