Hi everyone. Good work on asking for help Trees.
Years ago when I realized I needed/wanted to quit cigarettes I spoke to my doctor. He helped create a plan for me, part of which was openly admitting to others that I had a problem and was quitting. It was an interesting practice, difficult at times...it's never fun to admit weakness, but also empowering because vocalizing it was a physical step toward doing something about it. Instead of being an awkward situation, it was actually reassuring when someone would ask "How are you doing with quitting ciagarettes?" In one sense, I had someone else to be accountable to. The little bit of social pressure I created for myself was helpful in my weak moments because, in addition to honestly wanting to quit, I didn't want to let down my friends and family. It was actually surprising how many people seemed inspired and motivated to challenge some of their own issues because I had admitted mine. I had some slips, but "quitting" finally turned into "quit" and at this point, it is no longer something that requires much thought. Also, sharing your goals with others is a REALLY good way of seeing who is truly in your corner and who your real friends are. Anyone who is not supportive of a positive and necessary decision you've made, is not a real friend.
I think a lot of people get stuck thinking that what led them to recovery is/was some kind of failure, and perhaps there is something to that. However, I think admitting you need to recover is a success. It takes a good, strong person to identify a problem and do something about it. It's not easy, but everyone on this site/forum has done it and, although we should stay focused and vigilant, we should also feel good about it.
I had a rough moment AGAIN yesterday. I've been screwing up in regards to eating regularly and drinking enough water which (I've now learned) makes things much harder for me. Anyway, I was at the grocery store and the beer isle started singing me a familiar and lulling tune. Yesterday was 49 days for me and the devil on my shoulder starts saying (Inner Dialogue).....""You deserve a reward!! Just get one 22oz beer, it'll taste so good. Wait....it's still pretty early. One 22oz will never be enough, better get a sixer. You can stretch that out until the end of the night! Actually, maybe you better get the 22 and the sixer."
The inner dialogue wasn't hard to recognize for what it was, my addictive voice (or whatever you want to call it) trying to bring to back to my old, pointless ways. What was worse was realizing that the fight is still on, maybe stronger than ever because it isn't something I'm having to think about all the time anymore. It was a surprise attack. I made it out of there without buying alcohol, but felt exhausted when I got home and basically locked the door and hid out from the world for the rest of the day. I had been planning on going out and seeing friends but it didn't seem like the right move.
I'm going to sit down tonight, write my schedule for the week, and just try to stay as busy and focused as possible.
Have a good day everyone.