Hi Alex, I know how you are feeling. I too have felt like that many many times over the course of 2 decades.
Is inpatient rehab a possibility for you? I ended up having to ask for professional help to kickstart my journey to sobriety. Spent 3 weeks in hospital and it was the hardest but best decision I could have made to get on the right track.
You can quit! It is possible, trust me on that.