Welcome to SR, max--you are in the right place. You are NOT alone, and there is both education and support available for you.
I hope you can take some time to read around the forum--there is a wealth of experience, strength and hope here from many, many people who understand. Make sure you don't miss the stickies at the top of the page--these are extra-helpful threads that have been permanently saved for easy reference by members.
I'm sorry to hear about all the things that have happened, but in the end, the only person you can help is yourself. Coming here and seeking support is a great way to get started on that.
Hoping to hear more from you in the days to come, max. Stay strong.