max84

It'll be a very long story, but to go short, my girlfriend is an alcoholic with mental health issues such as anxiety disorder, depressionand anger issues. In other words she's been recently diagnosed with BPD. Technically she is a dual diagnosis case. Last year we were together for some time and she lived with me for about a month. At the time I was very naive on the whole matter and there were a lit of tension between us. Later on I learned her behaviour was within an abusive relationships definition. Most verbal abusive and manipulative approaches and in some cases even physical abuse. Later on I learned to call 911 for help whenever the situation was too chaotic for me to handle. But I never filed a complaint despite her aggressive records.

Well, I should say she is also very sweet and caring whenever she's fine and normal, the reason I was trying to make it work. On the other hand, I recently learned BPD symptoms include switching between two extreme moods, so I am not sure even if her times of being very nice and thoughtful was also part of her mental health problem of part of her true personality.

Anyhow, we had some dramatic breakups and it took me over a year to recover from damage. Meanwhile I was working on myself, taking counseling session, educating myself on alcoholism and mental health problems and learning more on aspects of relationships with dual diagnosis individuals. I needed the information since I was extremely confused after being in an abusive relationship as well as emotionally hurt.

This year we began contacting each other while it sound everything was fairly in peace. Over the time I noticed I still had feelings for her, but also I didn't want to get involved seriously due to past experience I had with her. At some point we had a plan for her recovery in my residential state and even though my counselor gave me warning that I was playing with fire, I decided to take the challenge in order to help her, and perhaps feeling content over still deeply present guilt feelings. This guilt feelings after failing how to handle her in my life.

Little by little I noticed there was again love developing; and finally she moved in with me. But because of our past experience we were going to find her a place soon so we both could have some distance avoiding possible tension. I guess from here it was the series of events which led to chaos again in two weeks. Being rejected for state Medicaid, no residential place for recovery and no counseling support. I could see the anxiety and depression developing in her despite her excitement of fist few days. I think for these individuals, depression symptoms are inevitable and soon or late they will find themselves in depressing mood due to any possible reason. So I try to be rational that even though this time I was very muc patient and caring with her, I should not blame myself for failing again.

Eventually again we had a shocking breakup, she was drinking mildly and under supervision for the first week and later on by developing her depression she started to drink heavily. I took her to hospital after her kidney failure caused by over drinking. Eventually one day she agreed to go to behavioral health center (she has been before to in other states), but only stayed for one night and left on her own. She thought detox would be a better approach, we went to detox, she started developing sever anxiety and abusive behaviour which I believe it was because of her true unwilingness to committee to the program. I was too anxious myself and left her in parking lot of detox with her stuff assuming she will eventually check in. Two days later Iwas arrested for domestic violence accusation. I was shocked and I am still on how she decided to take revenge of why I left her in the parking lot. But still I think this might be reasonable to you guys cosidering her mental situation.

I knew it would be risky of letting her enter my life again. I had hope though since she was eager to build a normal life. But soon she showed that she was not really ready to quit and being treated.

As for myself, I am struggling with grieve and self-blame again after a couple of weeks she's been gone. It's very hard to stop over thinking despite I was intellectually ready this time. I am also very emotional, so that might be the reason why I can't really accept the events. I should say regarding my well beings, I made a big mistake to get involved with her and damage is not avoidable at all.

I felt I need to reach out to people who have had similar we experience. Hopefully this would help me. It's very difficult to stand up even though I could see this coming and I had prepared.