Think Back/How did you learn to ride a bike?
Never say Never!! When you learned to ride a bike as a little guy, you fell off many times, bruised knees and hands. But you know what, you dusted yourself off, got a bandaid, some peroxide and you started again and again and again until one day, you were riding like a pro.
Someone gave you some instruction, direction and support, well that someone is us as a whole. My suggestion and direction is to stop and stay stop. First off find out where there is an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting and go. Listen, absorb, keep going back until you understand the language they are speaking, "Easy Does It". "One Day at A Time." The Meeting will unfold to you and you will acquire friends who are not drinking but were just where you are now. You questiion to them is. How did you do it? I have ten years clean and counting. I keep my memory green by welcoming the newcomer.
One day at a time, you will become a recovering alcoholic. So hang around until the miracle happens. God Bless