SueDenim

This is my first post, so please be gentle with me?

I am very scared.

I am 58, and looking forward to retirement, as I have a horribly stressful job. I always expected to retire at 60, which is when women in the UK used to get their state pension, but in my case has risen to 66 without reasonable warning.

I have spent the last ages trying to save for the shortfall; but the stress is getting to me, and doesn't help me with my drinking.

When I am at home (eg over Christmas) I can easily cut down/cut out the booze, and so far have had no withdrawal symptoms.

However, after work, everyone goes out drinking pretty much every night, and it is so easy to join in, and so difficult to say no, as it alleviates the stress and helps to bond with the team, to make the daytimes a bit easier.

I am worried that I am not going to live to enjoy the retirement I have worked and saved for. I have smelly and discoloured urine (sorry, TMI), a distended tummy, and sometimes (not always, but now and then) puffy ankles, and my appetite is virtually non-existent.

I feel that if I can get to 60 and leave the toxic environment that is work, I will be ok; but only if I haven't caused major and irreversible damage beforehand. I really want to have time left to enjoy retirement, as I have worked since the age of 16, and have so many things I want to do.

I have been a drinker (first social, then more - the usual pattern) since my 20s. The only real breaks were during my 2 pregnancies in my 30s.

I'm not sure what the question is; but please don't just say 'see your GP', as he is a family friend, and this would be impossible for a number of reasons.

Thanks for bearing with me if you've got this far. I'm not expecting hand holding instead of a reality check; but I have written and deleted similar posts a million times before taking the plunge and actually posting.