greenaggie.....I suggest that you take this time, while he is in rehab. to take the time for yourself. You sound like you are worn down to a nubbin. (an aggie knows what a nubbin is..lol)....
He is in a place that is structured, with lots of attention and therapy focused on him.
I think that the long drive to and back, and the emotional turmoil that y ou have is unnecessarily too hard on YOU!
I always think that a sober living place is best after rehab if it is possible. I don't think that immediate return to the home makes it harder on everyone.
The son is with his mother. ***He doesn't need his son---his son needs a sober father.
More will be revealed, as time goes on. Meanwhile, take a break and focus on yourself.