I really think I can be a perfectionist and expect too much out of myself and others. I can have it set in my mind of how things "should" go and have a hard time releasing when it doesn't go that way.
I'm exactly the same way. For me....I have a mother that is like this times 10. We weren't really allowed to make our own decisions if there was any chance of failure. We were not allowed to be sad or mad. I always considered my childhood pretty perfect - and in the big picture, I am luckier than most. Very loving family , but like anyone, they had their issues, and they transferred to us kids.
The book Conquering Codependency and Shame helped me SO MUCH. I really think it should be at the top of the To Read list for Codies coming from non substance addicted families. I couldn't understand how the hell I got here until I read it.
"Peeling the layers of the onion" is referenced in here often, and it's just so true. We WILL get to the roots of our 'stuff', and in doing so, we can change it!
I'm seeing I took a value of partnership for granted. There's someone there to help handle the weight of what's going on so it doesn't feel so heavy.
I thought this too, for a while....but.....it's because I expected that it had to come from a romantic partnership. It doesn't! I am surrounded by amazing people that I have taken for granted, and they are always there to help me if I need it. If you had had a couple of your girlfriends with you when dealing with the bully contractor, I could guess, that he would have been intimidated by YOU!
Hang in there - keep peeling the layers!