SaveYourHeart - sending you positive vibes. Be gentle on yourself. Just like Lady said, maybe you can go to an Alanon meeting or do some extra reading around here.
Personally, I've been going through last year's "Language of Letting Go" each day, and have found it to be a great help and boost:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-1-a.html