120,
The reason you are currently only happy w booze in your system is science.
Booze has altered your brain. Your brain is damaged. It currently does not produce enough dopamine to keep you satisfied. Dopamine is a naturally occurring contentment producing product in your brain.
In time, it returns. But only if you quit drinking. We drunks want the instant euphoria booze offers. We get used to the hang over.
So when we quit, we get angry. The way we get happy again is through the following.
Eating foods we love.
Sleeping.
Exercise.
Self Care (massages etc).
Warm Baths.
Etc etc.
In time, the dopamine production returns to an acceptable level.
For me, it took a solid year of all of the above.
Now I get happy all the time. Every day. Sometimes for no reason.
Find things that make you happy. Do nice things for people.
Clean your house. Things that make you happy.
That is how to stay clean.
Otherwise, relapse, and the cycle resets.
Thanks.