Originally Posted by
healthychoices 
Well, I'm sitting at my kitchen table after another committed night of self-medicating my emotions with booze, I wallow like a disorientated pig stuck in a thick mud of self-loathing & loneliness & it feels bloody horrible. If I make it outside and into the public eye I can expect to confronted with waves of anxiety and self-conscious paranoia, eventuating in a cold sweat and in me retreating back to the safety of my house in a mild panic, to isolate further. This is where my drinking takes me - every damn time.
I remember feeling like this and not knowing how to change.
I would tell myself in the morning "today I am not drinking" and the next thing I knew I was at the store buying liquor.
It was as if my body was doing it even though my mind said no. Next thing I knew it I was drunk again and hating myself.
This pattern occurred everyday for 27 years. How my body is still functioning is a miracle.