healthychoices

Well, I'm sitting at my kitchen table after another committed night of self-medicating my emotions with booze, I wallow like a disorientated pig stuck in a thick mud of self-loathing & loneliness & it feels bloody horrible. If I make it outside and into the public eye I can expect to confronted with waves of anxiety and self-conscious paranoia, eventuating in a cold sweat and in me retreating back to the safety of my house in a mild panic, to isolate further. This is where my drinking takes me - every damn time.

I've gotten sober before; one month, two months, even three months, but eventually the reality of why I stopped becomes faint enough so that I can justify implementing a 'moderation approach' of some form. The moderation approach inevitably becomes daily drinking within a matter of weeks and I quickly spiral down to where I am right now. Overweight, depressed and a generally unhappy individual. Hah, oh the fruits of drinking!!

Anyway, I was intending to take my dog out for an early walk through the park because it's hitting the high 30's here today and it'll be too hot to walk her properly later, but guess who was selfishly sleeping off a hangover instead?! So now I'm a bad dog owner - on top of everything else; note rising guilt and shame.

Well, I think I've accomplished what I wanted to with this rambling post and made it pretty clear to myself that I must stop this drinking business for good if I want to live decent life (and have a dog that doesn't resent me due to lack of walkies).

I'm going to do my best to make sobriety stick this time, I really would appreciate some peace of mind back.