Thanks everyone.
I will try and answer some of the questions...
I do attend a alcohol misuse center with a view to getting help, I do everything they ask of me to prove I am a good candidate for funding. I also see a counsellor and attend a Smart meeting.
In the UK you can't just go to A&E to get help, trust me I have tried.
I did attend AA in 2015 but I was not comfortable, that said I am not comfortable drinking all day so I intend on giving it another go starting this weekend.
Everytime I feel a little bit positive I seem to get knocked back for example a couple of days ago I was due to see my counsellor and had also arranged to go to an AA meeting afterwards-first time in a long time.
So before all this I walked my dogs and right at the end of the walk one of them had an accident, I had to rush him to the emergency vet for stitches, poor thing, so I was unable to keep my plans so once he was safely home again I just wallowed in self pity for both of us and hit the vodka feeling it was totally justified.