Algorithm

You absolutely can get better, Kaily, but you need to put the drink down. It's a leap of faith, and you may be depressed and anxious for a bit until your head clears, but it's nothing compared to what I remember maintenance drinking all day felt like. It's been a while, so I don't remember exactly.

You must give your body and brain the chance to heal by abstaining, and that will require some discomfort. You must choose short term discomfort in exchange for long term relief from the bondage of perpetual withdrawal cycles. It's just how it goes.

You've probably stopped and started enough times by now over the years to know what lies ahead in the short term. What you may not remember much anymore is what comes after that is over, but you need to trust that it will be better than what will come if you keep drinking.

Don't just wait for a miracle detox from the NHS which may never come. If it comes, all the better, but don't count on it. They've been promising for a rather long time now, judging from what you've written.