More great stuff here.
Part of it definitely comes from the insecurity I think that builds in us when we're in these type of relationships. We're insecure about what our SO is doing when we are not home / with them because we have grown to realize that, 9 times out of 10, it's something bad.
Then, it turns into insecurity about ourselves when we foolishly convince ourselves that the reason they are doing this is because of US, and that IF ONLY we would have done XYZ, this wouldn't have happened.
Realizing that the binge drinking was going to happen regardless of what I did has been helpful in recovery and helped me to realize that I could have kept on fighting, trying to force it to stop, interfering, etc -- But that the outcome was inevitable because the booze was stronger than I was.
I have just had to come to terms with the fact that, as months and years went on in the relationship, those texts and calls and tracking of my whereabouts were way different than any time I'd have done it. I would text or call out of worry, concern, or a genuine want to see her. She would text just to see how much longer she could be with the alcohol BEFORE she had to see me again. Oil and water!