1) 3:15 a.m. I woke up every night at 3:15 sweaty, heart pounding and dreading...everything.
2) The endless yammering in my head about whether I was going to drink that day and how much and how soon and how much did I have last night and how much did I intend to have last night and this isn't good (but I'm not "that bad" and what am I doing to my health blablablaBLABLABLA."
My head is a much quieter place these days.
3) Having zero self-confidence or self-trust. I assumed I would eventually screw up...everything.
Just writing this makes me shudder.