"What Time Will You Be Home?"
Sometimes during my recovery from all this, out of nowhere I will have what I can best describe as a flashback to a feeling I had when in the relationship. I continue to focus on my own recovery, however, as time has gone on I have also learned it's important, especially when at times you still romanticize the past, to also remember the things that were, well...not so great.
I left work late today and for some reason it triggered a memory I had that lasted for years. Maybe some of you have had it too. It was the "when will you be home?" syndrome. My exAGF enjoyed drinking at home tremendously but knew how I felt about it. So, when I left her at the house for any period of time that was going to be enough to get some good drinking going on, this was very exciting for her. It took me a while to learn/realize this.
When I was out shopping for a few hours, or working a little late, out of town with family or friends, on a camping trip for a few days...These were all the greatest times as the drinking could commence. No matter how long or short they were, it didn't matter - There was one constant. When the day and rough time of arrival was coming, but not exactly stated, I would start getting texts, more and more frequently, asking me what time I would be home. If I didn't answer, they became more insistent. This was all part of the dance, of the game. Get every hour, every minute, of drinking in before I get home. Some days I would lie about the time just in the hopes she'd stop early. Crazy. Basically, the knowledge of the time was so she get as much drinking in as possible, MAYBE try and clean up the mess, then pass out in bed. In some cases, the drinking was too fun and had to continue after I got back -- I didn't allow enough time or the buzz was just too good. But it was all about a game to get as much booze in as possible and then pass out in a blissful drunk sleep before I got home.
You see, the texts were NEVER about missing me, or looking forward to me being back, to have dinner ready, or give me a hug and a kiss, say how much I was missed, to have me back -- It was just about how much more time she had left to drink at home before I showed up.
Over time, as we all know, we learn to detach from this and just walk away from the drinking. A perfect detachment for me would have been to just proclaim that she should drink as much as she wants, at home, whenever she wants, and don't try and make it a hide and seek game or a binge game when I leave the house, just drink because I know it's happening anyway. But it almost seemed like it was fun for her or some sort of special occasion. Worst part was how I never felt welcomed back from when I'd been away for a day or two. I was the party crasher. The fun was over. It was such a terrible way to be welcomed home after being gone. Welcomed home with disdain, not love.
Anyway, just a reminder of things I do not miss dealing with, and also a reminder for you, to realize this may also be happening, or perhaps something else we can agree on being something none of us miss!