Originally Posted by
wontbeme 
Thank you all that took the time to respond. It really means a lot to know that everyone here understands what I am going through.
I am curious...does everyone have to deal with the Jeckyll/Hyde behaviour with their SO's? I am never sure where my AW's real thoughts come from; when sober, she is the sweetest person with never a bad thing to say about anyone and loves everyone, but, after a few drinks, she compares everyone else to the devil, and portrays herself as a saint.
It is maddening.
Absolutely. My AH is two completely different people when sober and drinking. Sober - brilliant, funny, strong character and ethics, generous, supportive, selfless, people loving. I could go on and on. Drinking - rambling, repetitive, name-calling, critical, angry, misogynistic, incompetent, hateful, jealous. I spent many years trying to figure out the label and the cause of what mental illness he might be trying to self medicate and trying to problem solve and support, what was I doing to cause it, etc.
I finally realized that that was all wasted time. I started focusing on the behavior (drinking and meanness) and now I'm letting him address the rest - - - if he chooses to. It broke my heart when I realized he was gone, and I waited too long to put a stop to his bad behavior of me. I wish I had found SR sooner, but I was trying to "help" him. Oh brother. I just made the mess worse.