Sally - Alanon has been a lifesaver for me, while dealing with my alcoholic and mentally ill daughter. I attend 2-3 meetings a week.
Stay strong, and keep coming back to share with us. Remember that the very best, and most loving thing you can do for your son is to set strong boundaries. This will be hard for both of you in the short term, but in the long term, it will give him the motivation to heal his own life.
As long as he knows that you are his safety net, he will have no motivation to do the hard work of recovery.
Alanon will give you the support and strength to detach from his disease, with love.
Love and blessings to you and your son.
Robina