I think the residue of all the chaos takes a VERY LONG time to go away in our heads.
When you go through the trauma and merry go round of what most people on these boards do, it won't just go away. This year will be year three since my X and I split. I am SO GLAD not to have to deal with him on a personal level, but still coparent with him, which is the most stressful thing I have ever done in my life.
I know it took me a lot of years to get to that bad of a place in my head, and I know it's going to take me a long time to get it out of my head too.
Hugs to everyone here.