Taplow: Yes, I often felt this way, that there was "something" controlling "me". I never realized or at least did not acknowledge that this "something" was the AV coming from part of my brain and that the "me" which was being controlled was the ever weakening rational part of my brain. Only when the AV was put back in its cage, hopefully in its oubliette, was it possible to resurrect and strengthen the real 'me". I could have joined a "Smart Recovery" group but I had never heard of that. This continued for fort years. I've been sober now for 28.
W.