Elephant rides
I'm 55 on Saturday - happy birthday to me - and it's only just dawned on me how powerless I am over this drinking habit of mine. I think all my willpower and decisions are pretty worthless. This habit drives me, not the other way around.
An analogy about our thinking, about the way our minds work is that if you imagine sitting on an elephant, the elephant goes wherever it wants and you, believing you're in charge, create reasons for why you're going where you're going. That certainly seems to be the way I am.
My drinking is a bit haywire at the moment. I know its wrong but tomorrow I'll wake up and do the same thing again. It would need a massive tidal change to get me to change direction. Any declaration based on common sense is pretty feeble. The thing is, whatever I am, I'm not running the show here. I'm just the idiot dragged along behind the vehicle.
Anyway, I don't know, hopefully I can see some sense and limit the damage I'm doing. Try again. Want to be back being sober, I love being sober, that's the stupid thing.
Is that the way any of you feel, like there's something controlling you, something above your willpower? If so, then what are we doing?