Day 11: But On Alert
Hi all, I've not posted here is some time, though I've been reading a lot of the threads lately. Like others on here, I've been on a merry-go-round of abstinence and then binges - been that way really for the last few years if I'm honest. On the bright side, this has been my most "sober year" so far, I've been sober for about 180 of the last 360 days. But I keep slipping up. I'm on Day 11 now after what was one of the most frightening binges I've had, which included not remembering driving to the store, smashing a magnum of wine on my kitchen floor, finding empty wine bottles in my car, and a vague memory of a screaming rant in the apartment parking garage (lord knows what the neighbors think).
I feel good now, sleeping much better, eating well, feeling optimistic...the things that come with being on Day 11. But I'm so sensitive to avoid any trigger that might bring on another binge I almost want to stay in my controlled apartment to avoid anything. I'm unemployed now (lost last one due to drinking) and looking, so I don't NEED to leave. Reading and posting here helps, but I'm afraid of going to an AA meeting, as strange as that may sound. I've been before and found myself triggered by the meeting - it made me think too much about alcohol. Am I alone in this stinking thinking? It is ok to "hibernate" for a few weeks to get back some sanity and strength THEN go out?