Originally Posted by
patrickt1 
All really helpful responses folks. Thank you
The safety blanket aspect of things definitely makes sense .
I'm well aware a quick buzz from alcohol isn't worth my life and perhaps it's time to go back to some counselling as just stopping drinking definitely isn't enough.
Just feels very unfair though be it my own fault that it got taken from me at 22 years old I'm 24 now
I'd almost like to just eradicate the fond feelings I have for alcohol. I just feel like such a outsider in life sometimes
Two years is amazing!
You were not active long enough in your addiction to do any material damage to your life. That is a good thing. Had you though, aside from the health issues, you would not be having these melancholy feelings about it. I do not think back fondly on not being able to do my job, missing time due to hangovers, missing important memories, embarrassing myself more times than I could count, disappointing my husband, losing friends, and spending 10's of thousands of dollars on black death.
Those bonds were not real and that fun was an illusion. Life is not really that fun most days. It can be mundane and boring. Most people only have a couple close friends and do not go out more than a couple times a month. I get that your lifestyle is different though. I have been close friends with many people in bands. I have also known some who were completely clean. Their band was their job and not an excuse to party. It was their art.
On the other hand, you started self medicating so young that you probably did not learn the ins and outs of being an adult in a normal frame of mind. Now that you are older, it would be like starting as a teenager again. You have to be patient and find your way. You cannot do that pining over your love of alcohol. Acceptance is the key here. I fear for you that you romanticize your days of alcohol abuse. There is nothing remotely romantic about it. You will die, and that is not romantic or cool. Substances that will kill you do not have any benefits.
Just stay busy. Find new hobbies and maybe you will meet like minded people. You have so much life ahead of you. Make finding happiness clean and sober your priority.