I'm so sorry, Oread. I cannot even begin to imagine how you must feel, but you need to know that none of this is your fault. It just isn't. You had no control over what he chose to put in his body. You didn't force him to drink or use pills. The addiction did, and you can't beat the addiction. You just can't. Only the addict can choose to do that. I know you have guilt, but I don't believe there was anything you could have done that would have changed the outcome. It may not have happened as soon as it did, but it would have happened eventually. None of us are responsible for anybody's life but our own as adults. Our choices, our consequences.