You know, she may well want to see some commitment from you to getting well before she comes back. We're not exactly alluring when we're bat-**** crazy, selfish, active alcoholics you know. She (and anyone) deserves better. Please don't take this as judgemental. Most of us come to this point knowing that we have treated people we love abysmally. Thing is, it is for US to make right. Not them.
You have a choice here. You could get up, make the decision to take responsibility for yourself and your actions, and go get some help to get sober and start getting well, so you can treat her (and others, including yourself) in a loving and respectful way. Alternatively you can feel sorry for yourself for what your own actions brought about, and mope and drown yourself in alcohol and tears, drinking at her in the hope that you will guilt-trip her into coming to look after you.
I tried the second option for years and years. Got away with it as well for a long time. But it never made me happy. The first option was much harder to do at the beginning, but it was worth it as it has led to a complete change in perspective. The world is a brighter place for me nowadays. It's like someone juggled with the focus and colour settings and everything's looking clearer and brighter and more vivid. I know other alcoholics in recovery who've said they feel the same.
I hope you take this experience as a learning opportunity and decide to make this your new start, and one where you will get back, and keep, that girl you love so much and can make her happy and proud of you, and you learn to feel happy in, and proud of, yourself.