Incontrol15

Agreed. Thankfully I had a head start on the pity party, otherwise that day would have been a HUGE disappointment. I accepted what came and looked at that carefully instead of "looking at" what didn't happen.

I'm also beginning to realize my fiance would have probably appreciated some suggestions from me. I'm not one to do that at all. I don't even like asking for Christmas gifts. I expect to be surprised, then normally get disappointed. That's so silly. Done it enough times now to know better, at least on the disappointed side. I just go with the flow and appreciate what does happen (with a little awareness and work). I'm just now realizing that things could be even better if I make suggestions. After all, I barely know what would be fun for myself! How can I possibly expect somebody else to know?

Yup. For sure. Not to mention one day of "fun" would be followed by 1 full day of hell, another day of not so much fun, then possibly a 3rd day of not feeling right. Depending on sleep, hydration, diet, and exercise. The funny part is....early on in my alcoholism, those days that followed would be viewed as positive. I would feel like utter crap, then think "Man...that was one hell of a good time!" Sounds pretty ******** to me. I'm thinking that was my addict voice trying to protect it's logic of partying hard.

You are so right. Thankfully the memories of how bad it was are still there. I think I've done a decent job of keeping those memories alive. I'm going through the same exact issue with my divorce. I am going to the phase where I remember all the good times. My birthday was one of them because my ex would have gone over the top to make damn sure I had a fun 50th bday. She would have partnered with my family.

I didn't do a good enough job of keeping the memories alive of why I wanted to leave that marriage, and as a result, I feel very strong guilt now. I was able to semi-solve that issue by talking with my former self. This exercise helped my drum up the feelings I had when I left and why.

At the end of the day, I'm looking at how boring and reclusive I am now and trying to solve it. I strongly believe doing nothing about it is not going to fix it. Maybe it will fix itself in time. But I'm looking to take an active approach instead. I'm just not sure what to do about it.

The only thing that seems most logical to me is putting myself in more social situations. I've been thinking of AA as a chance to make friends. Looking for ways to make friends at 50 is pretty hard. Oh...this reminds me that I had the thought of touching base with my family more often for now. Even facebook perhaps. I am so far removed from everyone, it's crazy. At the moment, I would be happy to be a hermit. Sounds awesome actually. All alone on an island. I'd probably never even clean myself.

I really do believe having social contact is important to our wellbeing. Something I've gotta work on and is on my short list with my therapist.