i so appreciate your post and putting yourself out here this way.
i understand.
i try, at times, with mixed results, to let people know.
i'm thinking that i need to work on wanting a certain result...but i do. when i open up about vulnerability and fears, i do it in the hope of getting support, empathy, a hug. when that doesn't come, i feel worse.
(which is why the 12-step stuff "works" well for me).
and i made a conscious decision when first entering the sponsee-sponsor relationship that i would never pretend. and i haven't.
we connect once a week in person, hiking with our dogs, but sponsor is always reachable by phone or email, though we don't much use this anymore. but i don't ever tell them i'm fine when i'm not. it's been a steep discomfort curve, but soooo worth it.