Happy birthday SG!
Your thoughts look like mine around my bday. Actually... Everyone's thoughts looks like mine! It's a little erie. Not surprising I guess given the similarities right from day 1.
Anyway... I sincerely hope you have a great day.
This future self thing is really bugging me. Specifically that I have no vision at all. This was bugging me before the willpower video. That video just explained why I struggle with willpower today. Not just staying off mood altering substances, but exercise, diet, staying committed to work, house chores, finances, pretty much everything.
I feel undefined. Worse yet, I feel defined only by my past. I'm somebody who threw away a 15yr marriage, 20yr career, and failed at selling life insurance.
I'm making baby steps. Mostly, I feel, because I'm looking down or behind me. I'm not looking forward. I can't make big steps. It's amazing I'm moving forward at all really.
How do I fix that? That's what I'm working on. At first I focused on today. But very little sticks. I'm currently putting a lot of blame on the willpower issue, which brings me to my future self.
Maybe if I can connect with my future self at some level, my world opens up. I'm beginning to believe I may need to start in the middle. At least try to connect with my no so far in the future self.
Another thought is to use this opportunity to work backwards. To start with the end in mind. I've spent my life so far succumbing to the will of the universe. Very little steering on my half. I simply let go of the wheel. I don't like where that got me.
So maybe this is my chance for a redo. Why not go for the gold? Sometimes I think of running away and starting a new life in a new place. Why not? I have an entry level job anyway. I'm only a couple years into a relationship. No ring on the finger yet. Which is mostly my fault because I cannot seem to move forward. Then I question myself if that's because maybe I'm heading into a direction my subconscious mind doesn't want to go.
It's deep. Lots going on and a lot to wrap my mind around. I think the best I can do is work with today and try to push that envelope to include near term future.
I just don't want to move too far forward without knowing the direction I should be going. I don't want to end up down another rabbit hole. At 50yrs old, I feel like I don't have many more chances to get it right.
Then... To add to that mess... I realize that I'm over thinking it at times and setting too many expectations.
Also....
SG, your comment about being a dopamine junky. That's me bro. Again, everything you guys are saying I can relate to 100%. On the dopamine front, I've been learning some interesting stuff on how dopamine effects various parts of the brain. My inquiry stemmed from the willpower speech at Google. That the frontal lobe is where all the action needs to be.
I'm learning how sleep, meditation, diet, and exercise develops the frontal lobe. We all know how important each of those are.... Maybe not so much with meditation, but we do know it's beneficial.
Apparently the order of importance is:
1. Sleep 7hrs +
2. Meditate at least 10min /day
3. Exercise
4. Low glycemic diet.
I'm beginning to understand just how much of my thoughts and internal struggles are determined by which part of the brain is most active.