we have to remember that all the things that WE wanted "for" them often do not come close to matching what THEY want for themselves. we think they WANT to be sober, to work HARD at recovery, to dig deep and become better people.
in reality, many people. not "just" alcoholics, choose the Easier Softer Way. many of the members who first come here flatly REFUSE to consider Alanon, are convinced that THEY don't need to work the steps, THEY don't have a problem. addicts don't have the market cornered on resistance to change.
before hank and i met, he got tangled up with a rather unstable woman. ok, two back-to-back unstable females.....first one was on house arrest, second one was, well, a mess. she pawned his stuff, did all sorts of ill-behaved things. and i asked him WHY on earth he stuck out with her for 9 months? he kinds shrugged and said, it was better than being alone. he was also using/relapsing/sobering up during that time, depending on the week. or as addicts say: It Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time.
she is living her life as she sees fit. it still doesn't make sense to YOU.....and it probably never will. remember this isn't a competition....this isn't about HER getting all the goodies and you getting stuck with the lump of coal. you have your life back, 100% now. that is truly a great gift.