Always great to hear from you all, thanks. I think we'd all agree she needs to find peace and sobriety for herself before she starts a new relationship but it seems to be the opposite pattern for most addicts I read about.
Despite her supposed self-inventory and introspection, the fact is that she's drank for at least 6 more months past our breakup, immediately began dating and has now moved into a new relationship. It's not the outcome we want for our addict exes. Yet, it seems like this is almost ALWAYS what happens!
In our brief contacts over the summer and fall (mostly by text) it was obvious she was drinking and feeling sorry for herself. The door back to us getting together could have been opened by me right there I think and she'd have walked back through, but nothing would have changed and we'd have been right back where we were before we broke up. So I knew I couldn't do it. So, it's ironic that within hearing she's taken the first small steps to getting sober, it's because she's with someone new. She had 6 months in these limited contacts to reach out and tell me she was recovering. For me, I got the drunk her and no signs of recovery, just the hope she could come back. For someone ELSE, she gets sober. It's baffling. It was obvious for a while she wanted me to take her back. Why wasn't the notion of qutting drinking even considered as something she would be willing to do to save us? Yet for some brand new dude she's ready to change and quit? I must admit, it's a bit disheartening.
I wanted closure, yet I recall reading that you should NEVER expect closure from an addict. I think the other reason staring down the end of contact is tough, due to the her being in a new relationship, is facing the fact that the closure truly never will come.
I just need to have faith in myself as a good caring person that one day, it will be my turn to be in a new relationship and this part of my life can be in the rear view mirror.