Does your husband support how hard you're trying? Can you do something distracting as a family? An outing, chores, the park? Or, since he's home, can you go back to bed? The early days are hard indeed, but you have to go through them to get past them. Think of all that's good in your life...and I guess that alcohol doesn't make the list. Focus on what's good! You have a cheering section here on SR!