But I also start to wonder, what if it goes on forever like this. What if he relapses every a few months. Does it mean that I have to flee every a few months? Or should I learn to accept the drinking him and learn to live with him?
Take a deep breath and do something that may seem next to impossible... relax. All of those questions are very big, loaded questions, that believe it or not, you don't have to answer today. Just focus on today. You know your husband is relapsing. You know that means he may get violent. So you need to take care of yourself, and as you have identified, that means leaving. It doesn't have to mean rushing out to get a seperation, or a divorce, but like you said, maybe go and stay at your parents' for a day or two, or a week. Get yourself to a safe place, and then take it easy on yourself. There's a reason why we practice "steps" and that we take them one at time.... because it's the ONLY way to handle alcoholism, bit by bit.
Just for today, find yourself a save place to go, and then be kind and gentle to yourself. You've suffered enough emotionally, no need to put yourself through any unnecessary beatings.
Hugs,
Shannon