Wisconsin

We are signing (and having notarized) our joint divorce filing. I am strangely apprehensive. Now that he has this girlfriend, he is much more willing to move forward with everything without dragging his feet. But he is ALSO less friendly during his "up" phases. I phoned him yesterday afternoon to ask a question about our son, and he didn't answer and never called back--the first time that has EVER happened. It wasn't even remotely an emergency, so I didn't call again. I do not begrudge this man his new relationship or the "honeymoon period" I am sure he's in. I think I'm worried that all of this will signal more hostility in our interactions (which apart from a few episodes over the last 18 months have been relatively hostility-free)--he is a VERY jealous person, and is very good at cultivating jealousy in his partner (assuming she isn't already a jealous type). You guys, I don't WANT to have to deal with him if he and his new girlfriend have convinced themselves and each other that I am horrible. I am feeling like a big whiny baby about the whole thing, because it is 100% out of my control.

I don't LIKE it when people don't like me. I don't LIKE it when people talk trash about me. I don't LIKE it when people "join forces" and feed off each other to bring negativity into my life. As recently as a month ago, STBXAH would make the occasional comment about how I am his oldest and closest friend in our city (which I know is part of his ongoing emotionally abusive pattern, and I have NEVER indicated to him that I have any desire to be friends with him beyond our relationship as co-parents) and now there's a new girlfriend and...nothing. I HOPE and want to believe that this is his priorities adjusting in a healthier way; him realizing now that wanting to talk to your soon to be ex-wife multiple times a day about stuff unrelated to your child is not conducive to moving on with your life. But I also know where he is in his disease, and as usual, I am worried about what the progression of his disease will mean for me, and for our son.

I know the answer to this is to just stay on my side of the street, and remember that they can think and say whatever they want. They have that right and privilege as adults. And THIS is whey his alcoholism really pisses me off--because I feel like I have to stay dialed in to what's going on enough to make sure our son is OK. It is really hard for me to learn where the line is between "dialed in just enough to have necessary information to keep DS safe" and "dialed in in an obsessive and supremely unhealthy way." I'm taking a huge step backward in my recovery tools for this, and re-instituting my old (and very helpful) rule to sit for 30 minutes before contacting him or asking a question. This cooling off period has been very helpful for me in the past, to give me a chance to check my motives--am I really trying to pick a fight? Am I really trying to dig for information that I really have no right to have? Am I trying to exert control over a situation? Time for me to get back to some heavy duty motive-checking...